The car thief

July,4 2010

The light  turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,stopping at  the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by  accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman  was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed  her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and  makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her  window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The  officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took  her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of  hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was  escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was  waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ”I’m very sorry for  this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were  blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a  blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker,  the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’  bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the  trunk, so naturally….I assumed you had stolen the  car.”
Priceless…

nalz

Don’t do it!

May,25 2010

……..Never do this!   Tell all your friends TO UNPLUG THE CHARGER

We usually charge our phones, most of the time during the night, but occasionally while we are driving,  we will use the plug in the car charger.   Will definitely unplug it in the future.

I do this all the time . I guess I won’t be doing it ANY more !

A few days ago, a person was recharging his mobile phone at home.  Just at that time a call came in and he answered it with the charging Instrument still connected to the outlet. After a few seconds electricity flowed into the cell phone unrestrained and the young man was thrown to the floor with a heavy thud.  As you can see, the phone actually exploded.

2
His parents rushed to the room only to find him unconscious, with a weak heartbeat and burnt fingers.

He was rushed to the nearby hospital, but was pronounced dead on arrival.
Cell phones are a very useful modern invention.

4

However, we must be aware that it can also be an instrument of death.
Never use the cell phone while it is hooked to the electrical outlet!   If you are charging the cell phone and a call comes in, unplug it from the charger and outlet.
FORWARD THIS TO THE PEOPLE THAT MATTER IN YOUR LIFE!!!!
Whether or not they have a cell phone.  They can also inform others who do……
Surgical Services

5

1400 NW 12th Ave.,
Miami, FL 33136

Godspeed

Webpastor B

www.jesuspokast.org

 

Think twice!

May,4 2010

 

There are four things that you cannot recover in life:

(1) The Stone……………after it’s thrown,

(2) The Word……………after it’s said,

(3) The Occasion………after it’s missed,

and

(4) The Time…………….after it’s gone.

Godspeed

WebpastorB

www.jesuspodkast.org

Little John the Baptist

April,13 2010

Matt. 18:4-5
"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my
name welcomes me. "


johnogkatt

Johnny’s Mother looked out the window and noticed
Him "playing church" with their cat
.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching
to it. She smiled and went about her work.

A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing
and ran back To the open window to see Johnny
baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is
afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said,
"He should have thought about that before he joined
my church."

vaatkatt

Smile, it gives your face something to do!

Godspeed

Webpastor B

www.jesuspodkast.org

 

The Global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000
                             ONE BILLION TWO HUNDRED MILLION or 20% of the world’s population.
                             They have received the following Nobel Prizes:
                             Literature:
                             1988 – Najib Mahfooz
                             Peace:
                             1978 – Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat
                             1990 – Elias James Corey
                             1994 – Yaser Arafat:
                             1999 – Ahmed Zewai
                             Economics:
                             (zero)
                             Physics:

                             (zero)
                             Medicine:
                             1960 – Peter Brian Medawar
                             1998 – Ferid Mourad                             
TOTAL: 7 SEVEN
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
                             The Global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000
                             Only FOURTEEN MILLION or about 0.02% of the world’s population.
                             They have received the following Nobel Prizes:
                             Literature:
                             1910 – Paul Heyse
                             1927 – Henri Bergson
                             1958 – Boris Pasternak
                             1966 – Shmuel Yosef Agnon
                             1966 – Nelly Sachs
                             1976 – Saul Bellow
                             1978 – Isaac Bashevis Singer
                             1981 – Elias Canetti
                             1987 – Joseph Brodsky
                             1991 – Nadine Gordimer World
                             Peace:
                             1911 – Alfred Fried
                             1911 – Tobias Michael Carel Asser
                             1968 – Rene Cassin
                             1973 – Henry Kissinger
                             1978 – Menachem Begin
                             1986 – Elie Wiesel
                             1994 – Shimon Peres
                             1994 – Yitzhak Rabin
                             Physics:
                             1905 – Adolph Von Baeyer
                             1906 – Henri Moissan
                             1907 – Albert Abraham Michelson
                             1908 – Gabriel Lippmann
                             1910 – Otto Wallach
                             1915 – Richard Willstaetter
                             1918 – Fritz Haber
                             1921 – Albert Einstein
                             1922 – Niels Bohr
                             1925 – James Franck
                             1925 – Gustav Hertz
                             1943 – Gustav Stern
                             1943 – George Charles de Hevesy
                             1944 – Isidor Issac Rabi
                             1952 – Felix Bloch
                             1954 – Max Born
                             1958 – Igor Tamm
                             1959 – Emilio Segre
                             1960 – Donald A. Glaser
                             1961 – Robert Hofstadter
                             1961 – Melvin Calvin
                             196 2 – Lev Davidovich Landau
                             1962 – Max Ferdinand Perutz
                             1965 – Richard Phillips Feynman
                             1965 – Julian Schwinger
                             1969 -  Murray  Gell-Mann
                             1971 – Dennis Gabor
                             1972 – William Howard Stein
                             1973 – Brian David Josephson
                             1975 – Benjamin Mottleson
                             1976 -  Burton  Richter
                             1977 – Ilya Prigogine
                             1978 – Arno Allan Penzias
                             1978 – P eter L Kapitza
                             1979 – Stephen Weinberg
                             1979 – Sheldon Glashow
                             1979 – Herbert Charles Brown
                             1980 – Paul Berg
                             1980 – Walter Gilbert
                             1981 – Roald Hoffmann
                             1982 – Aaron Klug
                             1985 – Albert A. Hauptman
                             1985 – Jerome Karle
                             1986 – Dudley R. Herschbach
                             1988 – Robert Huber
                             1988 – Leon Lederman
                             1988 – Melvin Schwartz
                             1988 – Jack Steinberger
                             1989 – Sidney Altman
                             1990 – Jerome Friedman
                             1992 – Rudolph Marcus
                             1995 – Martin Perl
                             2000 – Alan J. Heeger
                             Economics:
                             1970 – Paul Anthony Samuelson
                             1971 – Simon Kuznets
                             1972 – Kenneth Joseph Arrow
                             1975 – Leonid Kantorovich
                             1976 – Milton Friedman
                             1978 – Herbert A. Simon
                             1980 -  Lawrence  Robert Klein
                             1985 – Franco Modigliani
                             1987 – Robert M. Solow
                             1990 – Harry Markowitz
                             1990 – Merton Miller
                             1992 – Gary Becker
                             1993 – Robert Fogel
                             Medicine:
                             1908 – Elie Metchnikoff
                             1908 – Paul Erlich
                             1914 – Robert Barany
                             1922 – Otto Meyerhof
                             1930 – Karl Landsteiner
                             1931 – Otto Warburg
                             1936 – Otto Loewi
                             1944 – Joseph Erlanger
                             1944 – Herb ert Spencer Gasser
                             1945 – Ernst Boris Chain
                             1946 – Hermann Joseph Muller
                             1950 – Tadeus Reichstein
                             1952 – Selman Abraham Waksman
                             1953 – Hans Krebs
                             1953 – Fritz Albert Lipmann
                             1958 – Joshua Lederberg
                             1959 – Arthur Kornberg
                             1964 – Konrad Bloch
                             1965 – Francois Jacob
                             1965 – Andre Lwoff
                             1967 – George Wald
                             1968 – Marshall W. Nirenberg
                             1969 -  Salvador  Luria
                             1970 – Julius Axelrod
                             1970 – Sir Bernard Katz
                             1972 – Gerald Maurice Edelman
                             1975 – Howard Martin Temin
                             1976 – Baruch S. Blumberg
                             1977 – Roselyn Sussman Yalow
                             1978 – Daniel Nathans
                             1980 – Baruj Benacerraf
                             1984 – Cesar Milstein
                             1985 – Michael Stuart Brown
                             1985 – Joseph L. Goldstein
                             1986 – Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini]
                             1988 – Gertrude Elion
                             1989 – Harold Varmus
                             1991 – Erwin Neher
                             1991 – Bert Sakmann
                             1993 – Richard J. Roberts
                             1993 – Phillip Sharp
                             1994 – Alfred Gilman
                             1995 – Edward B. Lewis
                       TOTAL: 129 ONE HUNDRED TWENTY NINE!
                       The Jews are NOT promoting brain washing children in military training camps, teaching them how to blow themselves up and cause maximum deaths of Jews and other non Muslims!
                       The Jews don’t hijack planes, nor kill athletes at the Olympics, or blow themselves up in German restaurants. There is NOT one single Jew that has destroyed a church. There is NOT
a single Jew that protests by killing people.
                       The Jews don’t traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for Jihad and death to all the Infidels.
                       Perhaps the world’s Muslims should consider investing more in standard education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems.
                       Muslims must ask ‘what can they do for humankind’ before they demand that humankind respects them!!
                       Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between  Israel  and the Palestinians and Arab neighbors, even if you believe there is more culpability on  Israel’s part, the following two
sentences really say it all:
                       ‘If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence.
                       If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more  Israel ‘.
                       To this list you may add the name of Robert Adler the inventor of the remote control ,an Austrian Jew who revolutionized the way we watch TV, use cell phones, key less entry to cars, homes and offices, and a host of other applications including space and defence.
                       -Benjamin Netanyahu
                       I’m not asking you to forward this…….on the other hand, IT WOULDN’T HURT IF YOU DID!
             PS: Chances are…….. The Muslims, using their always impeccable logic, would claim these statistics prove how discriminated against they really are!

Company Memo

FROM:       Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director

TO:            
All F*%^ing Employees

DATE:        October 5,
2009

RE:            
The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!  We’re going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as
you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including
organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. 
They scream when you slice them.  I’ve heard them scream.  I’m
hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing weirdoes
can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!


Company Memo

FROM:       Joan Bishop, Acting
Human Resources Director

DATE:        October 6,
2009

RE:            
Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday
Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full
pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

Company Memo

FROM:       Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director

To:             
All Employees

DATE:        October 4,
2009

RE:            
Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are!  I had no idea that December
20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
eating and drinking during daylight hours.  There goes the
party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other.  Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.  Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill
House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.  Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.  The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo

FROM:       Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director

TO:            
All Employees

DATE:        October 3,
2009

RE:            
Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name.


I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are
allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

(Be sure to read all of them  …)

Company Memo

FROM:       Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director

TO:            
All Employees

DATE:        October 2,
2009

RE:            
Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

 
However, from now on, we’re calling it our "Holiday Party." 
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

(Be sure to read all of them….)

Company Memo

FROM:       Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director

TO:            
All Employees

DATE:        October 1,
2009

RE:            
Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private
function room at the Grill House.  There will be a cash bar and plenty
of drinks!  We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel
free to sing along.  And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed as Santa Claus!  A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00
PM.  Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone’s pockets.  This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty